apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
