She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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