The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize