So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
