he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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