We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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