If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
