3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
