I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
