I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
