Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
