dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
