He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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