he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
