3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
