ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
