I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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