I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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