I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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