the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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