RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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