Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
