bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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