I want to walk on stilts...naked
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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