need another drink. this is the easiest way
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
