Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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