i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
