Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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