After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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