So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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