That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am available for nakedness
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
