at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
