Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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