he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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