dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
