Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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