my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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