I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
