first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
