Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
