Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
