So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
