As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
