hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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