I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
