Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
