I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
