Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize