just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
