I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
