fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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