just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
