matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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