I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
