Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
