FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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