theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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