I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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