Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
