I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
