i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
