I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
