would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
