I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My hand turned me down
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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