if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
