Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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