Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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