My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
