I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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