Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
