I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
